When good things go horribly wrong
Picture this: Your 7 year old son is doing homework, one of his assignments instructing him to look up his weekly memory verse in his bible. He finds it, reads it and decides that he wants to just keep reading on. Then he wants to keep reading it the next day and the day after that.
One would think that would be amazing, right? And it really was. I love listening to him read, and I love that he is eager to read his little Adventure Bible.
So what, you might ask, could possibly go wrong with a kid reading a bible? Its a BIBLE. It's not like he picked up his Auntie's secret copy of "50 Shades of Gray" or something. And when he says in his little voice that he wants to "keep reading Proberbs," my heart melts a little. So he reads and reads and all is well... until he gets to the chapter that discusses the perils of adultery and prostitution.
Adultery. And. Prostitution.
I have to brag: my mom and I did a remarkable job of not openly laughing. That was NOT easy with his tiny little voice reading about a prostitute "perfuming her bed." But neither of us wanted to make him uncomfortable, and I think we were both hoping he'd skim through that chapter and not really pay attention to what he was reading.
No such luck.
My kid is a professional rapid-fire questioner.
What's adultery? Um... when someone has a husband or wife and then they also have a boyfriend or girlfriend at the same time. But like a boyfriend or girlfriend that they hold hands with, not just a friend who's a boy or a girl.
What's a prostitute? Hey buddy - do you want me to put some music on while you finish your work? Are you hungry? I can get you a snack.
Why did she sleep with lots of men? Because they were tired.
Why is sleeping a sin? They're talking about snuggling and sleeping next to someone who isn't your husband or wife. Sleeping isn't a sin. You'd better not pull that line tonight.
Mommy, are you an adulterous woman? Mommy does what's necessary to pay the bills, ok?
Fast forward 4 minutes - time to have a glass (or 3) of wine and bake something.
I opted to try a Blondie recipe out of my trusty Dorie's Cookies cookbook. This particular blondie is loaded with coconuts and pecans, and it can be made in the form of a cookie or a bar. Plus I had everything I needed already in my kitchen! I went with the bar method because I wanted to go with a more traditional look and feel. That, or I went the lazy route because the wine was kicking in. But we'll say tradition.
I realized very early on that I did not, in fact, have everything that I needed - I'd left my pecans at the boyfriend's house. Because that's the kind of stuff I leave laying around there.
So it's gonna be coconut walnut blondies... 10-4.
This recipe is pretty straight forward. You use sugar and brown sugar and nuts and coconut and vanilla and chocolate and stuff. Mix it all up, put it in a pan and bake it. There's literally nothing tricky about this recipe, other than doubling it when making it in bar form.
Pro tip: When doubling a recipe, make sure you've slept more than 4 hours and haven't been drinking wine. Because if, say, you accidentally quadruple the white sugar instead of doubling it, your blondies will be way too sweet and they'll harden. A lot. Really fast.
Now, these blondies were supposed to be for my stepdad. My mom was set to fly back home a couple of days later, and I wanted to send something with her that would transport easily and that wouldn't spoil quickly. There was no way I was quitting at this point. So the next day I tried again - this time rested and stone cold sober. And with pecans.
This batch came together just as easily as the first... except with the correct measurements. Which is super helpful. And they baked up beautifully! They were soft and moist and not too sweet.
This recipe seems very adaptable, too. I might try it sometime with dried cranberries , white chocolate and walnuts. Or maybe even pistachios. It'll be fun to experiment eventually, and the boyfriend's coworkers are always willing to try my stuff out.
If I find a killer adaptation, I'll have to come up with a clever name for them. There has to be something that incorporates "blondie" with "prostitute," right?
This is my very favorite 13x9 pan. NOTHING sticks to this thing! Not even overly sugary blondies.